i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
