Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
