so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My pussy is not your playground.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
