woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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