we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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