All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How's work?
Spinning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
