So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
