She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
