did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
