Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
