the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
