I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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