Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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