I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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