I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
