I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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