I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
