hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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