oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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