Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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