I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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