I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
