how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
