OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All the doctor said was why
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
