1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
