Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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