I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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