i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
