then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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