I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate all girls vehemently.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
