well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
