so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
