I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
