he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
