You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
