u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
