Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
