one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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