i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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