after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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