You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
