I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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