If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
