I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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