he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
