Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A bitchslap is in order.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
