I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
