my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
