Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
