Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
